


Good Enough

by legendaryroar



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, M/M, Pining, Pre-Kerberos Mission, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-01
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2019-06-19 18:22:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15515826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/legendaryroar/pseuds/legendaryroar
Summary: With Shiro selected for the Kerberos mission, Keith knows he has very little free time left with all the preparations ahead. Still, Shiro makes time for him, regardless of what anyone else has to say about it. If only Keith could enjoy it more without dwelling on how much he’ll miss him.





	Good Enough

“You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”

It slips out without Keith’s permission. There’s a dull thud as Shiro puts down his cup, probably harder than he means to. Keith has to look away when he sees Shiro’s face twist into shock and hurt.

“I know you don’t mean to,” he tries to explain, his hands curling into fists against the feeling they’re about to shake. “It’s just…” The words escape him. Heat builds in his ears and cheeks. “You asked what I was thinking,” he finishes lamely.

Feeling like he needs to do _something_ , he picks up his cup, just to hold it. A quick glance around the commissary reminds him why such thoughts are on his mind. Unconsciously, he tightens his grip on his cup until his fingers make squeaking sounds over the surface. Shiro should be out celebrating his assignment to Kerberos, not sitting in the commissary with a cadet. Going by the looks they are getting, everyone else thinks so too.

“Keith,” Shiro says softly. “You know I think—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Keith interrupts, hoping to ward of the tired spiel about his skills and his worth. “I’m the top of my class, and you’re so proud of me. I’m still just a cadet.”

With a grimace at his own pathetic behaviour, and how much the strain in his voice gives away, he puts his cup back down. There’s still time before Shiro leaves, but he’ll be too busy for Keith. This might be the last time they get to spend together, and he’s wasting it by being maudlin. He’s letting his feelings ruin everything. His instructors are always saying that’s his biggest flaw, letting his emotions get the better of him. His short fuse.

“For now,” Shiro says, leaning heavily on his elbows until he’s almost leaning half-way across the table. “When I get back, you’ll have probably caught up with me. I bet they’ll let you graduate early. You really are something, Keith.”

The soft smile Shiro is giving him makes Keith slip a little lower in his seat, glancing around furtively. They’re still attracting stares. They always do. And rumours. Stupid rumours. He’s been disciplined several times already for lashing out at those who speak them. Shiro’s chided him for it too, talking about how he needs to let words go, let them pass over him. But he can’t. Not when those words are things he desperately wants and knows he can’t have. Words that just bury themselves deep and feed his longing.

He wants there to be truth to the rumours about them. Wants it so bad it hurts.

“Is it really me that makes you feel like you’re not good enough, or them?”

Keith looks around again, taking note of all the disgruntled faces glancing over a them, hearing the low mutters from cadets and officers alike. Shiro is one of the best graduates the Garrison has, and Keith is constantly being reminded of how Shiro shouldn’t be wasting his time on such a lowly recruit, top of his class or not.

Normally, he can block most of it out and still enjoy his time with Shiro while he has it. But today…

Knowing that Shiro will soon be gone, and that he’ll be all alone again…

“Let’s get some fresh air,” Shiro suddenly suggests, standing and moving around the table. He places a hand on Keith’s shoulder, and it only makes Keith’s face burn hotter.

Blatant familiarity and favouritism through touch only makes everything worse. And a form of contact that will soon be lost only makes his mood sink lower.

But he still stands without a word and lets Shiro lead him out into the hallway. Anything is better than sitting idly while everyone else stares and mutters.

They walk for some time in silence, and it weighs on him. He can’t help but berate himself for ruining Shiro’s night by being such bad company. When Shiro had invited him to have dinner with him, he should have refused. He should have insisted that Shiro go off-base with his friends his own age. With his fellow officers. But when it comes down to it, he can’t stop himself from taking every moment he can get, even if he can’t seem to shake his low mood and act more like himself.

Instead of paying attention to where Shiro is leading him, he focuses on Shiro there beside him. He still isn’t sure, after all this time, why Shiro took an interest in him, privately mentoring and encouraging him. He can’t understand why Shiro considers someone so much younger than him a friend, or why he seems to care so much about how Keith feels.

He knows his own reasons for letting it happen, even if it has caused him so much trouble with the other cadets, and with the officers. The cadets are just jealous, of course. Shiro was a legend long before he graduated top of all his classes, setting all the records on the flight simulators. The other cadets all want his attention, but he only gives it to Keith. And he knows the officers are more concerned with the rumours, even if they’ve yet to openly do anything about it. But the friendly words of advice about taking up the time of someone with such prestige and rank have been many.

“Here we are,” Shiro says, pulling him from his thoughts.

With a sound of surprise, Keith realises they’re standing in front of a roof access door. “The roof is off limits,” he says automatically, trying to remember when they’d taken the stairs. Why is Shiro wasting such an important night on him when he’s so lost in thought he doesn’t even notice walking up stairs?

Loud and sudden, Shiro laughs, startling him. He opens the door and then slings an arm around Keith’s shoulders, pulling him through and onto the roof.

“When has that ever stopped you?” he asks. “Or stopped us, for that matter?”

Keith shrugs, looking up at the stars. Shiro will be out there soon, instead of being a warm presence beside him. He should be enjoying what little time he has left, not wallowing. Just like he has to make the length of Shiro’s mission count, and elevate himself by the time Shiro returns.

It’s all he’s thought about for the last few months, being better. Making Shiro _see_ him. Or at least, see him as something other than some kid he’s helping out.

“I’ll make myself good enough,” he murmurs without thinking.

“Hmm?”

Shiro’s wearing an easy smile, even though the skin is tight around his eyes. Keith wishes he could reach out and touch his smile. He’s going to miss it.

“When you get back,” he decides to elaborate, even though the thought of voicing this makes his face burn hot again. It’s the closest he’s ever got to telling Shiro what he wants. “I’ll be good enough then. We’ll be…on more equal footing.”

The arm on Keith’s shoulders slides off as Shiro’s smile falters. But instead of stepping away like Keith half-expects, Shiro turns and steps closer, moving in front of him and reaching out to hold Keith’s shoulders. He doesn’t say anything at first, and Keith avoids his gaze for as long as he can.

It’s not long. He can’t help but look, he never can. The serious expression Shiro’s wearing makes him shiver as much as the sudden proximity does. Shiro’s not going to drop this.

“You are already good enough, Keith,” Shiro insists. “You’re the best pilot in your class and you’re beating scores of everyone in the year ahead of you. You’re also top in almost every other aspect of your training. You work so hard for it, if you didn’t get yourself disciplined so often for fighting then you’d be the instructors’ favourite by now. You’ve done nothing but get better and better, every test, every simulation. But you were _always_ good enough as you were, and you always will be good enough. I’m so proud of you, and I always will be.”

Keith can’t make himself look away. The way Shiro is looking at him now, firm but kind, it fills him with that familiar urge to be better. To _earn_ it. There’s a softness around Shiro’s eyes that always makes Keith wish he’d been older when they’d met. Then it might mean something else. Something more in line with all those rumours Keith wishes were true.

“It’s okay to admit you’ll miss me, kid,” Shiro jokes, giving his left shoulder a pat before letting him go.

A scowl twists Keith’s features before he can stop it. “Don’t call me that! I’m not a kid!”

Shiro laughs. He reaches out and brushes a thumb against the furrow between Keith’s brows.

“There’s the Keith I know. Always glaring at something.”

While he can appreciate Shiro’s attempt to lighten the mood, and he knows he should let the subject drop, he just can’t. It’s like that ache he always feels suddenly gets ten times worse, filling him with a desperate energy to do something while he still has the chance.

“I’ll be eighteen in less than a year! I’m not a kid!”

Shiro’s expression softens, and he sighs. “No, you’re not a kid. Just trying to lighten the mood. You’ve been…”

Keith waits, still glaring at him. For all that Shiro talks of his skill, for all that he treats him like an adult, he still calls him a kid more often than not. Even if it’s always a joke to lighten the mood, Keith hates the reminder. The distance between them.

Shiro turns with a sigh, taking a few steps away and looking up at the stars.

“It won’t be long,” he says quietly. “You’ll be so busy with training that you won’t even notice. I’ll be back before you know it.”

Keith’s hands curl into fists. “Don’t be an idiot!” he snaps. “Of course I’ll notice! You won’t be here!”

Shiro’s shoulders sag, but he doesn’t turn around. His posture makes Keith’s stomach sink. He’s ruining Shiro’s accomplishment with his hurt feelings. Feelings that are not Shiro’s fault.

“Not that I’m not happy for you,” he says quickly, stepping forward. He grabs Shiro’s left arm and tugs until he turns to face him. “You deserve this mission, and you’re going to be brilliant out there. I’m happy for you. I am.”

The laugh that Shiro releases sounds anything but happy. “I’m really going to miss you,” he murmurs, reaching out and ruffling Keith’s hair. “You and your mood swings.”

Keith slaps his hand away, and Shiro’s laugh sounds more genuine. “Maybe when I get back, you’ll finally be able to beat me when we spar.”

“I’ve beaten you,” Keith huffs, wishing Shiro would ruffle his hair again, or hold his shoulders again. He has so little time before he’s gone and those brief moments of warmth will be gone with him. Shiro probably won’t have any time for him when he returns. He’ll be even more of a legend than he his now, and far too busy for Keith. And after so long, whatever reasons he has for helping Keith out will be gone.

“It doesn’t count when you use unsanctioned moves,” Shiro chides. “You’re a brilliant fighter, Keith, but you need to stick to the rules.”

That deserves a roll of the eyes. It’s an old argument between them. “If I ever have to fight someone in a real life or death situation, I doubt they’ll be following rules and regulations.”

“I guess not,” Shiro chuckles. He slings an arm over Keith’s shoulders again and looks up the stars.

With all the mission preparation ahead, it might be the only alone time they get. Shiro has been making time for Keith ever since he entered training, and he never let the rumours or the mutterings of the officers and instructors stop him.

If it really is going to be the last time in a long time, it’s worth the risk.

Keith wishes this was as easy as fighting or flying, as he loops an arm around Shiro’s lower back until he’s gripping his opposite hip. He shuffles closer, until their sides are pressed together. Heart hammering in his chest, he rests his head on Shiro’s shoulder and tries to ignore how tense he becomes.

“I’m really happy for you, but I’m really going to miss you, Shiro,” he murmurs, letting what he feels colour his tone and hating how soft and obvious it is.

For several moments, Shiro remains tense beside him, and Keith wonders if he should pull away. He wonders if he even can. He’s never let himself initiate much contact with Shiro, always too afraid of acting on his feelings without thinking and ruining everything. But if he has to be apart from Shiro for so long, he wants all he can get before he leaves, even if it might spoil everything.

Or maybe because he knows everything will be spoiled by the time Shiro returns anyway.

Like a dam breaking, Shiro sighs and the tension leaves his body. He turns, and then he’s embracing Keith fully, a hand resting against the back of Keith’s head, holding it against him, and the other gripping the back of his jacket.

“You really don’t make things easy,” he says, holding him tightly.

Keith wraps his other arm around him and holds back just as tightly. The last time Shiro had hugged him was so long ago now. At some point it had stopped being hugs and just started being shoulder pats and an arm over his shoulder. Maybe Shiro has been letting those mutterings get to him, he thinks suddenly, but he pushes the thought away. He’s missed this. A full embrace, pressing his face against him, breathing him in, being surrounded by him.

This moment will be one he holds onto while Shiro is gone. And probably after he returns and has no time for him. It doesn’t make any of it easier, in fact, it probably makes it worse, but at least he’ll be able to remember what it’s like to be so close to him, even if it’s still not as close as he wants.

“It won’t be long,” Shiro says. “Just be here when I get back.”

Keith wants to laugh, but there’s a lump in his throat and words are hard enough.

“Where else would I be?” he asks, his voice tight, his eyes prickling. “I’ll be here waiting.”

Shiro hums, and Keith keeps his eyes shut tight. It isn’t everything he wants, but it _is_ everything, and he wants to hold onto this moment for as long as he can. Until Shiro gets back.

**Author's Note:**

> Re-posted from an old account to this, my new one. Also took the opportunity to touch it up a little.
> 
> You can find me at [legendaryroar](http://legendaryroar.tumblr.com) on tumblr.


End file.
